


Anatomy of An Old Love Song II

by silasfinch



Series: A Tender Heart [4]
Category: Saving Hope (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15333807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: I am in the middle of a research project and this is the result.Sydney and Maggie work together to heal and test an hypothesis.





	Anatomy of An Old Love Song II

 

**Hypothesis Testing**

_the theory, methods, and practice of testing a hypothesis by comparing it with the null hypothesis._

 

They end up rehabilitating together.

 

Maggie is not embarrassed to privately admit (and one drunken time to Alex) that she fantasises about reuniting with Sydney Katz. Despite her best friend's urging, there aren't scandalous realities to share either. Sydney is a master of the reappearance act; usually, when Maggie convinces herself, they have no future. The whole soul- rendering -kissing- at -speed is adorable yet intensely aggravating.

 

If Maggie were in control they would meet at a conference when she is fully recovered with several journal articles to her name; they would be on an equal footing, there wouldn't be the claustrophobic pressures of Hope Zion or the medical hierarchy. They would share wine at the nearest Kosher wine bar and flirt without consequences or competition for their time.

 

Maggie dreams about consulting on a case together, years in the future. When she is a specialist in her own right, and she can genuinely repay Syd's interventions at the board. She wants to wow and woe the other woman with her skill.  It's not hard to figure out that the way to Dr Katz's heart is through her mind and your knowledge of cardiac valves in preterm infants.

 

 

Of course, in keeping with their terrible timing, the current situation is bordering on disastrous. Communication between the two doctors regresses without the ease of technology and distance. Old insecurities and resentments haunt them.

 

Maggie is struggling with her hectic (still reduced) workload and persistent symptoms. Her emotions are extreme; in that way she is a good fit for some of her heavily pregnant patients. However, Maggie is even-tempered by nature, and she finds the onslaught of feelings draining and inconvenient. Especially when Sydney and Alex both need her support in such different ways. Shakir is adamant that her brain is coping well with the 'neurological storm' that is traumatic brain injury recovery. He points out that short of moving to a monastery and sitting in total isolation there is nothing more she can to do to lessen the strain, functioning at a high level and healing at the same time is a challenging prospect.

 

Sydney is distraught over the shunning by her family. She is an expert in concealing her feelings under layers of work and worship. However, neither of these avenues are currently available.  She is negotiating a contract and operating privileges with Dawn, who is constrained by budget cuts and an unhappy board of directors.  Locum specialists of Dr Katz's specialists are expensive.  The Katz family is refusing her every overture, both professional and personal. The local synagogue has taken sides, and she is no longer welcome on the premises or any of the gatherings.

 

Naturally, Sydney doesn't tell Maggie any of this, that would be too simple. She hears about the problems through the hospital grapevine. The exclusion hurts but at the same time the doctor knows she wouldn't win any prizes for communication either, especially when it comes to the nightmares.

 

No matter how difficult, Maggie is grateful to have any version of Sydney back in her life. They spend the evenings together either sharing a light dinner or watching a movie. The quiet is essential for both of them; healing comes in many different forms. Oddly enough the slow pace suits them both; their expectations are low, and Syd's accepts her outbursts with grace. They disagree and fight, but they resolve things quickly. Sydney often stays over, particularly on Fridays when she no longer has Sabbath obligations.

 

Almost by default, a kosher shelf materialises in her apartment.  Sydney and Snowball (Gavin's cat) come to a grudging understanding whereby they share cuddle time with the mistress of the house. The senior doctor leaves a set of casual clothes in the apartment for the nights they curl up and watch LGBT movies on Netflix.

 

 

**Null Hypothesis**

_The null hypothesis is only rejected if its probability falls below a predetermined significance level_

 

Her friends try and convince her she is making a mistake.

 

Of course, none of them is mean-spirited about it nor do they judge or choose sides, they find ways to disapprove and guide away subtly, pointing out that there are over options. Jackson goes so far as to make comments about his lesbian cousin who is a veterinarian. She takes the number for the cat (in case of any health emergencies there) more than anything else. Snowball and the vet get on famously, there is no chemistry between the two woman.

 

"How long is Dr Katz staying this time?" a subtle indication that the other doctor has a nomadic reputation.

 

"Don't get tangled up again Maggie; the woman has ants in her feet."  her mother's assessment from 200 miles away.

 

“Don’t you think this is moving a little fast? Shouldn’t you be dating before buying her favourite lunch stuff?” Maggie regrets inviting Alex and Lucas to the supermart.

It’s a good thing Dr Reid doesn’t know about the sleepovers yet.

 

“I think I’ve refined the algorithm for your profile, you can’t give up on the idea yet” Zach brims with an odd level of enthusiasm.

 

“So is Dr. Katz going to find a wife, now? Is her family ok with that?” Dr. Cassie Williams asks after reading about customs before doing a rotation with her

 

“Don’t rush into things, it was a very close call there, Maggie” Charlie seems to be talking about more than her medical record. He has this unseal way of viewing the world now that Maggie can’t quite reconcile in her mind, nor can the ever-rational Alex.

 

She is resigned to being Syd’s only champion, on paper they don’t make a good match. The concern is well meaning but misplaced Dr Katz simply makes am unusual first impression that isn’t easy to quantify or understand. Medical professionals live to break codes and understand mysteries.

 

Heck, there rumours that Syd is a secret agent for Missaid or a gorilla doctor setting up clinics in illegal areas.

 

The closest Syd has ever come to genuine subterfuge is anonymously paying for a med students treatment when she had a psychotic break before the final board exams.

 

Maggie knows that unravelling the mystery that is Sydney is worth every effort.

 

**Polit Study**

 

_A pilot study, pilot project, or pilot experiment is a small scale preliminary study conducted to evaluate the feasibility, time, cost, adverse events, and improve upon the study design before the performance of a full-scale research project._

 

There is no set pattern to their time together.

 

Frankly, they are both too worn out by separate issues and life drama to put much effort into planning or following a routine with an endpoint in mind.

 

They meet for breakfast or lunch most days where they take turns workshoping their problems.

 

Sydney asks Maggie to help her choose new outfits, no longer comfort with her more orthodox choices. It is a delight to watch the other doctor explore different styles and colour palates. She’s biased but Maggie thinks Syd looks stunning in everything.

Sydney is her ultimate support in getting better and back into the routine of junior doctor, keeping her challenged and focused.

 

 

_Phase One_

 

Sydney Katz is afraid of downtime.

 

The one thing Maggie is doing successfully at the moment is collecting facts about this newer version of her former supervisor and almost lover. The little things that only emerge with proximity and time. How she likes her breakfast foods, what coffee are drinkable verses delightful. How she forgets to eat when she gets caught up in a case.

 

It takes a while for this fact to emerge, but Sydney's inability to handle a lack of focus becomes readily apparent as she waits for board approval. She needs an anchor in the uncertain times when her family is still estranged and her identity in a state of flux.

 

The project she chooses is Maggie, her house and daily routine.  There is little consultation when her fridge gets a makeover and meals appear at either of her shifts. New colour schemes end up in up pinned to the walls, with opinions on how they would look. Maggie finds lists in her pockets, books she should read in the field,  shopping lists with food for brain recovery. She keeps the notes in a box for when she is having a bad day or needs a smile.

 

.

_Phase Two_

 

Sydney is rambling about craniofacial malformation in conjoined twins.

 

Maggie could listen to Sydney Katz talk about the subtler points of their profession for hours.  In fact, she frequently does when the other doctor is preparing for a lecture or a class. However, on this night they had agreed beforehand not to talk about their jobs or anything related to being a doctor.

 

Sydney lasts seven minutes and 45 seconds.

 

They are in a fancy restaurant far away from the hospital and their usual haunts, the kosher food list is extensive and Maggie knows Sydney is mainly fond of their deserts when she can justify the expense. Each dresses up for the occasion in their favourite evening dresses. Maggie thinks Syd looks enchanting in the royal blue dress with her hair in a complicated twist.

 

"You owe me $20."

 

Sydney stops abruptly and blinks at her in confusion.

 

"Alex bet me $20 that you wouldn't last more than 5 minutes without talking about the Hansen surgery in some way" Maggie explains with a laugh "I won by 2 minutes give or take."

 

Sydney flushes with embarrassment and plays nervously with the chain at her neck.

 

"I'm sorry - I ramble when I'm nervous."

 

"I know - it's endearing."

 

"Tonight is important, and medicine is about the only thing I can talk about with confidance, especially with you," Sydney confesses with a smile.

 

"I'm not going to think any less of you if your sentences don't include ten syllables words. We aren't playing medical scrabble Syd; we can talk about evergreen regeneration plans for all I care. Just breathe"

 

 

It takes time and several drinks but Sydney does loosen up with hilerous stories about her adventures throughout the world. How she learns to love secular music and art in museums. The conversation is long and leisurely, only pausing to enjoy the excellent food and to compliment the live band.

 

 

_Phase Three_

Sydney starts writing five letters to Rebecca and her parents.

 

Maggie is with her when she agonises over every word, even when Sydney forgets to translate Hebrew, too lost in trying to convey her point. There is a goal to make the perfect sentence, the one that will break through the silence.

 

Sydney explains the mourning rituals for a child and the unique sensitivities around miscarriages, why it would be an especially bad idea for her to show up now. When the family is still looking for answers and people to blame.

 

A lesbian family member who broke off a longed-for engagement makes an ideal target.

 

Sydney offers practical advice for dealing with a miscarriage, which is painful for Maggie to hear but at the same time, it is soothing. Syd talks about how to value the lost child that still is a loss, no matter what the gestitation. The child was longed for and loved. Therefore, the passing is essential to commemorate.

 

Maggie shyly brings out the box she made for her unborn child, the talk about Gavin and the lost future for a long time, a usual almost date but it works for them. The song of remembrance that Sydney sings is beautiful and makes the other woman cry.

 

Sydney tries to explain the decision to call off the engagement, haltingly describing her long-repressed feelings for Neshma and another woman of their acquaintance.  The insight into Sydney's childhood pain is painful; it makes her angry at the family and restrictive faith.

 

 

The letters remain in a pile in Syd's locker, written after each failed communication effort. Maggie hopes that one day she will send them or better yet they won’t be needed. She knows that it’s a naive proposition, her girlfriend is brutally honest about the chances of reconciliation. Even without the lesbian angle breaking up a promising engagement does not happen lightly. Maggie still hopes and prays to Syd’s God that he will grant her this simple favour.

 

 

_Phase Four_

 

Sydney is manifesting her identity crisis in unusual ways.

 

There are no hard and fast rules to manifesting identity, but naturally, Sydney Katz does the process to extremes.  The young doctor is having difficulty adjusting to a Canadian life that does not involve her previous Jewish experiences, its part of the reason Dr Katz stayed away from Hope Zion. Short of being a wing-woman (too weird), Maggie is prepared to do a range of things to help her friend learn to cope.

 

This is why she is learning to make pasta from scratch, with expensive flour caking her fingernails. The smell of sweet basil lingers in her clothes

 

This is why she is willing to visit obsecure Jewish gallaries and listen to Syd critique the work in Hebrew and debate pasionately with the courator.

 

This is why she doesn’t protest when Sydney suggests they try ice skating even though she has no desires to do so and is outmatched by every four-year-old in the place. She gets a crash course from a sympathetic employee. It’s not in the fault of the TBI, the Lin twins were not blessed wth grace or rhythm.

 

The dent in her surgeon’s ego is worth it to see Sydney twirling and laughing like a child on holiday while the snow is falling lightly around her.

 

 

**Results**

 

"I Love You"

 

Maggie is too tired to feel mortified at this impromptu confession, her head is pounding, and she is struggling to stand.  It's horrible timing, even by their standards, which saying something given how they started. Maggie is reasonably sure she loved Sydney from the moment she witnessed the rant about strips.

 

When she does say the words, they are supposed to be alone, preferably in bed, far away from the hospital. Not coming off a double shift in old scrubs where anybody can walk in.

 

Sydney freezes, midway through fixing an earring and examining her reflection in the mirror, out of scrubs. She is going to a Jewish LGBT mixer after much pressure from a distant cousin who got in touch last month. This invitation feels like significant progress; Maggie encourages her to go and even helps her buy a new dress that is modest without being conservative.

 

"I'm sorry, what?"

 

Sydney turns to regard her seriously, makeup temporally forgotten.

 

"I love you."

 

Maggie comes further into the room, grateful that most of their colleagues have left for the evening, not that it is any guarantee.  Maggie sits on the seat looking up at the other doctor, trying to blink away the grittiness that is gathering in her eyelids.

 

Sydney sinks down so they are at eye level.

 

“Contrary to popular belief not every gathering of Jewish people is a marriage symposium. There is no shidduch around the corner Maggie” Sydney comments gently

 

Maggie shrugs helplessly

 

“I would be happy if that would bring you happiness. I’ll be here either way” Maggie repeats her strange vow from earlier.

 

Sydney reaches out and brushes Maggie’s check.

 

“Get some sleep, sweetheart. I will bring you back some pastries and hazelnuts. We can talk in the morning”

 

It is past midnight when Sydney slips into Maggie’s room. Her voice carrying lightly across the room.

 

“I love you too”

 

**Analysis**

 

_Analytics is a process of inspecting, cleansing, transforming, and modelling data with the goal of discovering useful information, suggesting conclusions, and supporting decision-making._

 

Maggie is a morning person.

 

It's not strictly true of course; doctors don't have normal circadian rhythms, especially when they are young and doing the grunt work for senior staff. Harvard Medical School is one of the more competitive places in the world; sleep is luxury for after exams and placement test.    Shift work means you catch rest wherever you can and hope the pager doesn't ring for at least 30 minutes.

 

Nevertheless, she enjoys rising with the sun when she can; it reminds her of the early mornings with her dad when he used to quiz her on that week's science homework and answer her endless questions about anatomy.

 

She needs her sleep more than ever now and is striving for a solid 7 hours, more if Syd has her way.

 

Now, Maggie, has the most excellent reason to both go to bed and wake up early in the morning. Cuddly, sleepy Syd is possibly her favourite incarnation of all time. Their previous attempts at relationships never got to this stage, it was always secretive and rushed, Sydney splitting her time in 8 different and competing directions.

 

"I think you might be purring Dr Katz."

 

Maggie is gently stroking the long red hair that is in a messy wave over her pillow, liking the feel of the strands against her fingertips.

 

"Breath a word of how sentimental you make me, Lin, and I won't let you scrub in on my next fetal surgery" Sydney mutters curling further into Maggie's loose embrace.

 

"A useful threat but an unnecessary one. I like having soft you all to myself. 'Hardcore Syd' is impressive but this is lovely too" Maggie presses a kiss against her temple.

 

 

**Discussion**

_The discussion portion of a science report is to explain your findings._

 

They are flirting at the outpatient neurology clinic.

 

Maggie finds it amusing that so many meaningful moments happen in or around the hospital, considering all her useful assertions that she will 'have a life' and not end up like her father. However, long before Sydney, Hope Zion and her friends become like a second home.

 

"You are going to pass with distinction."

 

Sydney is taking on her rehabilitation as a personal challenge, even though she has little actual interest in the 'brain stuff'. The other woman is Type A incarnate and has a notebook full of notes on Maggie's progress and setbacks; no detail is too minor. She also knows that her new lover secretly subscribes to several journals of rehabilitative medicine to stay up with the latest trends and advice. Maggie adores this steadfast devotion, none of her other partners was so conscientious, not that she let them close enough. As always Dr Sydney Katz, lesbian, Jewish enigma is the exception to her relationship rules. Besides her role as caretaker means wearing glasses frequently, which is never a bad thing.

 

"So confident in your former student are you, Dr Katz?" Maggie jokes

 

"You displayed plenty of stamina last night, Dr Lin. I am very confident in your physical and mental capacity, not that Shakir will test you in the same way" Sydney replies smoothly.

 

"Now that would be a scandal for the ages."

 

Maggie suppresses a smile at the easy acknowledgement of their activities from the night before and what it signifies about their status. Sydney is still shy and will never march in a parade, no law says trailblazers need to be loud by default, but she is making quiet progress, living her identity open.

 

Everybody in the hospital and their day to day lives know about the change in their status. A liberal institution in a liberal metropolis in a progressive country little need to be said.  Jackson makes jokes about Maggie being Syd's 'living Prozac' and the interns compete for the days when the two doctors are working together.

 

"Did you have to bite so hard?"

 

Maggie feels mildly guilty, the other woman's skin is fantastic, an inspiration for poets, but her pale complexion does mark easily. The anatomy lesson got deeply personal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
